You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
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I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
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In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?