Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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