I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years