i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
