the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
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