Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Randomize
