she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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