He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
