After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
