youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
