when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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