3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize