May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
