Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
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So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
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In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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