I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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