he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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