I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess