you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
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I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
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Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.