just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.