She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.