So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
