Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
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I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
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What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!