I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
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