My friends, they love my intelligence
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
