Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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