is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
She told me I should be a condom model.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
