im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
