how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
