I wish my penis had an off switch
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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