you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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