I think my fart just growled at me.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
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Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
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I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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