Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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