we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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