I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Randomize
