I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
