i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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