Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
