; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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