I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
zippers are such a cool invention
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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