You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
