You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
