Im at strip club and am horny
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
