Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
