all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
