your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize