I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
