apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
This is my gift to your gina
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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