How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
