So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
