Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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