His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
