Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
