the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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