Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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