Taylor Swift is so right about you.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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