I wish life had little blips of pornography
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
