I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I'm gonna have a badass scar
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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