Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize