it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
