oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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