is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
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Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
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I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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