1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
