Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
